- Imprint relaunching Arts and Life section as Arts and No Life
- Seventeenth UW student admits to reading Imprint, resulting in highest recorded readership since 2011
- WUSA to begin recruiting local high school students for leadership positions
- Undergraduate students support WUSA dictatorship after fourth consecutive failure to reach quorum at a WUSA General Meeting
- UW president defends decision to stay open during apocalypse: “Our commitment to the academic mission will always take priority”
- Counselling Services introduces new slogan: “It can wait”
- UW cancels campus de-stress initiatives, diverts funding to budget for new engineering building
- UW study finds no correlation between poor mental health services, mental illness on campus
- “Single and Sexy” orientation play renamed due to continued lack of sexual activity amongst UW students
- BREAKING: stampede at PAC after bench press left vacant for more than five seconds
- UW launches Anti-Goose Task Force after third fatal goose attack in the same month
- UW Anti-Goose Task Force proposes elimination of violent geese from campus, suggests student referendum
- Coalition of UW environmental groups denounce campus Anti-Goose Task Force proposal over concerns about negative ecological impact
- With a turnout of 87 per cent, UW students vote overwhelmingly in favour of removing geese who attack humans from campus
- WUSA votership reaches record low of 2 per cent
- Pacifist student renounces political nonviolence after landing Lockheed Martin internship, commits first war crime
- Arts Student Union office condemned due to disrepair, couch remains pristine
