Sorry, but this article is in another paper. Just follow Jim through this minefield to the giant glowing waypoint (not that you actually need him to find it…) and he will take you right there.
Sorry, just pulling your leg. It gets rather dull sitting behind a computer monitor all day. Things haven't been the same ever since I took that arrow to the knee.
Enough with my obligatory backstory, let me introduce myself. The name is Super Savin’ Silver and I'm here to help you university students keep up with your gaming addiction without breaking your bank account. You can’t just blow all your money on games; you need it for the necessities of university life, like unnecessarily expensive textbooks, alcohol, energy drinks, and junk food. More like party life. Wink wink nudge nudge, say no more.
All joking aside, I know most of you use classes to catch up on those zees from long nights gaming or slay a few mobs in whatever MOBA is popular nowadays. It’s easy to know you’re not paying attention when all we hear from the back of the room is constant mouse-clicking.
Before I go off on another tangent, time to get down to business. It’s dangerous to go alone, take this killtacular guide!
Tip #1: Free-to-play
There is no better price than free, right? Unless you get paid for buying new games, but that will only happen if a game releases with more bugs than Assassin’s Creed: Unity or more missing code than the PC version of Batman: Arkham Knight. In all seriousness, free-to-play games can cost nothing and offer hours of enjoyment. You never have to pay a cent on video games again, just as long as you have enough self-control to avoid using real world money to buy the virtual crap each game tirelessly tries to sell you. Who am I kidding? University students have no self-control! You’re already up to your heads in debt, what's a little more for horse armour or avatar hats?
Tip #2: Trade and save
Lately, game prices are skyrocketing. The latest and greatest titles cost just under $100 a pop. You’re thinking those prices are ludicrous. Not the rapper, the adjective. Well, I have a secret way you can offset that cost. See the pile of games you bought over the years? You can trade those games in for credit off new games! Ingenious, right?
So pack up your sealed Earthbound, Ocarina of Time, and Gold Mario amiibo as they won’t be worth anything in 10 to 20 years. Trade them in at your local game store for the newest Gears of Halo Theft Creed Duty VII: Legacy Edition with exclusive fish AI pre-order bonus. Trust me, they would never give you pennies for something they’ll sell for 10 times that amount. Scout’s honour.
Tip #3: A trip through the backlog
For those weirdos that can’t part with their older games, I’ve got a solution for you. Why don’t you actually play them?
In all honesty, there is no way on God's green earthbound that you have beaten every game in your library. And for the smartass that wants to tell me otherwise, I bet you haven’t completed them 100 per cent, collected all the achievables, or nabbed the elusive platinum trophy. Skip the workout and forget studying, there are no save points in this game called life. And no continues if you run out of money.
Now then, press X for conclusion.
Any time now.
You’re not pressing X to spite me, aren’t you?
Would you kindly press X…
Now that you’ve all pressed X, I can continue. It's really hard to do anything around here when you’re always … waiting … for … a … prompt. So with my advice as your guide, I promise that you will get all the conglaturations from your professors and peers, be the baddest dude/dudette on campus, and marry the pigeon of your dreams.
Before we part, I have one more piece of advice: always remember, a winner is you.
